coming in

because of thursday's heart break and some other things id rather not address, this sunday eve i decided to go on a little excursion into party land.

its funny at the mere mention of it my hand goes to my phone and i start searching my memory for who has a car and who is the most likely to have it readily available. its a love of sorts.

the best loves ive known have been as physically gratifying as the were emotional devastating. love like youve never been hurt, right? i try to and this is why i am doomed to repeat my past.

this is playing on the edge of not fun. i have other blogs to bitch into.

SO. too much fun last night had me waking up seeped in disappointment in myself and the painful regret of a less than, well really, a series of less then reasonable decisions.

face down in my pillow i weigh the benefits and detriments of calling in sick. id spend the whole day feeling guilty. id catch up on sleep. id recuperate physically and mentally. id stay in bed all day. i could, if i got out of bed, do my laundry. i could work out. i am trying not to call out sick this month at least. id fall behind at work. it would look bad and add a little notch to the "fire by fault of incompetent employee so the jackass cannot claim unemployment" tally.

that was the clincher.

with out my job i cannot have my apt. which i will need to use as a place, storage, for my hostages of love. unwilling house guests. prisoners. jk. id never do that unless absolutely pushed to.

so i go to work. sitting on the bus i already feel the this is a good hang over set in.

i drudge along with my daily duties. this and that and facebook. blogging. ;)

sidebust: ill get to work in a second.

i think ive mentioned before that i answer phones.

i pick up the phone, greet with my usual greeting, and on the other side i hear, "hi *******, how are you doing?"
i reply, "well how are you?" i am surprised as you should understand; i am a generic fielder of phone calls. no one knows my name...except for MY FAVORITE!

i did not recognize his voice at first. he sounded different, his voice was smoother, as if just waking from a sexy slumber. i imagine him sitting in bed, shirtless of course, he is relaxing after all, in a room with morning sunlight pouring in. tussled hair, not yet showered, he is reading a news or he has npr softly playing in the background. his fiance is NOT THERE because they are NOT FUCKING MARRIED yet. he is enjoying his lasts bits of freedom while he has it.

his first question, "were there dogs friday?"

confused i ask my own question, "im sorry?"

repeating himself, maybe annoyed, "where the dogs in friday?"

response with out thinking, "no," thinking it out a bit more, "i actually wasnt here, i wouldnt know."

doubting my integrity as a person, "so you really have no idea, they could have been there"

defensively in my head, 'you should have come in to check your-fucking-self; you love them so god damn much.'

actually saying, "true."

back to the task at hand, "awe, tisk tisk." i mouth the words over the receiver, 'fuck me,' which is not a demand, although for him it could be an invitation, but it is just a declaration of frustration at myself and incompetency.

he continues, "i was hoping to speak to *****, is she around?"

"let me see if she is free," i say scrambling to get him anything he needs and do anything he wants.

i walk over to *****'s office remembering that she is not too fond of him. i peek in and she is gone. i kinda had a feeling she was, she has a lot of appointments these days.

i return and jump back into service, "im sorry she is not in she on another appointment with another student out of the office."

yes, i said that awkward statement or worse. i blacked out. no i didnt. i just dont remember accurately because i was mortified.

he did not skip a beat, probably expecting some sort of foot mouth action, "oh, ok. maybe you can help me...."

i dont remember what he asked or how i replied. im pretty sure it was awkward in structure and substance. i do remember stuttering. BUT i also remember helping him.

whatever happened the conversation did not end in tears and really thats all i can ask for.

my job should be glad i came in, despite the fact that all ive done so far is blog.

i am glad i came in too. the opportunity to interact with my favorite student is the greatest part of my job. however embarrassing.