melissa

so i was just thinking to myself about how i could sure use a deep dicking, when all of a sudden my favorite walks through the door.

he had some trouble getting in; the door was closing too quickly for him because as he approached the front desk his bag was knocked off his shoulder and i heard him say, "dammit i spilled coffee all over...::mumbles::" i am not sure what he said, too awestruck by his beauty.

i trying my hardest to play it cool, tried to joke around and said (like a jackass) "what are you doing with your life?" which i would like to say, in my defense, is a question i throw out in response to awkward moments or acts by friends and family but mostly myself.

it was not funny.

i am wallowing in shame, as i am reviewing the recent interaction.

back to the story.

he says to me, "i want a dog"
i say, "i dont think that is covered by your....whatever i said we provide as a service to keep my job secret."
he said, "oh really, i heard the dog and dog food was covered."
after an unusual break in the pace of the conversation, i say, "some one lied to you my friend."
then i black out....no i dont. i just dont remember.
i come to, and he asks, "can you get me that wonderfully helpful lady..."
"*****?"
"yes, ***** can i see her?"
"sure let me see if she is available"
i walk away from the desk and down the hall, hoping he is looking a my ass, im wearing nice ass pants. i feel insanely ridiculous and arrogant saying all that, and honestly for even thinking it. i dont have a nice ass, these pants are very flattering is all.

butt i digress.

i ask ***** if she could see my favorite. she makes a 'omg not this guy' face. she tries to push him on to another...fuck it, advisor. (i had some elaborate cover up scheme and structure to talk about my work place but the interactions between my favorite are too infrequent for me to remember what i had set up; and although i do love reading my own blogs over and over, i have not done it with this one yet.)

as it turns out he is not everyone's favorite. i stayed in the office telling ***** everything i knew off the top of my head, but sounding like i looked up before i came to talk to her. i was in there for a hot minute and i could hear his adorable kermit the frog voice chatting with the other girl at the front desk. i got sad and jealous all at once. she is very pretty and much cooler then me, she is not socially retarded and can have conversations that are not filled with embarrassment and feet-mouth.

[i started this entry whatever day it happened. i couldnt finish it then so i am finishing it now. its monday and i dont really remember what exactly wanted to write about...oh ok yea i remember]

so i came out with ***** (which sounds funny to me cause shes gay), she said she could see him. he said thanks and walked back to her office. i checked out his ass, it was adorable.

after sometime he came back to see me where he put his elbow on the desk propping himself up in that "it is understood that this is a casual stance" kinda stance.

this was totally fun until...he called me melissa.

he said, "melissa i have to tell you something."
i stared at him blankly, he knows my fucking name. i gave him sometime to back peddle, which he did not. so i say, "close, its *******." [jackass which is said in my mind or under my breath, i hope its in my mind only].

i was and am hurt. if you go back into previous entries you will see. he not only knows my name but has also given me a nickname. and super bonus over time, my name plate is on the wall, at eye level, right next to the front desk.

he says, "awe, i knew that. im sorry," he continues, "*******, i have to tell you something."

pause for dramatic effect, this pause was not actually in the exchange.

"i am getting engaged."

"congratulations" i respond with sarcasm and what i believe is condescending tone. at this moment i started to check in with my personal beliefs and thoughts on the subject of marriage. my first and only thought was; youre retarded. i love you, but you are ruining your life.

it must have recently happened because the next things out of his mouth were, "thank you. im engaged, its great. its a great day. you have a great day."

and then took off. skipping the fuck out the door.

stabbed in the face twice over. second mention of betrayal engagement and he forgot my name. i think her name is melissa.

i imagine this is what it feels like when you are boning and at the height of passion your partner stabs you in the throat. twice.