wicked embarrassment

SO LOVE BLOG...blog, you are worthless to me now. HE IS GETTING MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE. fucknut.

bphhh.

so, what do we do now? mere days after starting you, blog, we find out that he is engaged and all the fun has been beaten out of us, by the bat of reality with the nail of truth through it, as to ensure maximum damage.

life is rough.

good thing we are retreating deeper and deeper in to the welcoming interwebs.

GOD DAMMN YOU BLOG. Ugh. we had so much fucking potential. i havent even him since our last post...friggin asshole. :'(

but still i love him so...

too many ellipsis...ziz. anyhow thats the end of that.

...or is it.

hahaha. i have become drunk with delusion. we should have been a bartender. these cocktails of make believe are strong and delicious.

SO, ok, boys and things

i was recently thinking about my most insane moment of obsession and in thinking about it more wish i could smother myself with my own embarrassment.

I in a FIT of MADNESS and boredom, went looking on the interwebs for the love of my life. i am very tempted to use his full name. but i wont. needless to say i found him.

i found his facebook profile, it was started in japan or in some japanese facebook portal or whatever it is. his profile was very strongly privatized. he did have a profile picture; he had some cheesy posed professional style pictures of him and a lady. i thought to myself, i thought, well that looks like engagement photos one would paste on front of a card demanding that you save some date.

i happened to see a little thumbnail of a girl who looked like the lady in the picture - no why should i half truth you blog, i looked through all of his friends and found her. i clicked on the pic, it was not so private, and i found out that she was his fiance and that they were getting married.

stupid bitch had all her photos publicified so i went through them all. he graduated, they went on several trips with his family, she went to his brothers graduation, and they were getting fucking married.

so i left.

i returned months later after being reminded of it all by looking through my blog, reading my old posts because i am that self involved. i can beat myself up for days, lets stick to the story/over-sharing/confession of illegal recreations.

i returned to his profile to find the picture had changed. it was cheesy posed wedding photos. it was a beautiful beach wedding, i know because i went through all of them. i also skipped through some reception videos. i couldnt really bring myself to watch them, besides i had no sound.

it was not as bad as i thought; meaning of course i didnt shit my pants weeping at work. i met him in college. i did really love him. i do still think of him and us, what were were; three years of never really being together outside of the hours of 12am and 4am.

im getting over it cause i have to...and its about time. ha. it was easily five years, no. it was seven. huh, its funny what other wickedly devastating event allows me to remember the exact year. but i digress.

so thats the end of that. i dont know why i insist on providing you, blog, with evidence of how bat shit insane i can be as if i needed to convince you. it is sooo far fetched.

well, im just saying, ive done it before, im never going to learn. i am a child. i will continue to act on ill conceived ideas only to fully think them through the following day.

perhaps this confessional blog will be one of those things.

because here is his profile.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/tecjnology?hiq=alejandro%2Ccarreno
happy hunting folks.